Life Lately: April & May 2025

Hello friends. The nature of this post won’t be as upbeat as my usual posts. The truth is, the last two months have been the worst of my life, but I wanted a record on this blog for them like I have for the last year or so. If there is anything I have learned so far for the last two months, it is to hold your loved ones close and tell them how much you love and appreciate them as often as you can. You really never know when the last time you will hear their voice, feel their hugs, or see their face will be. I am grateful that I make it a point to tell all my loved ones that I love them at the end of every interaction, I have since I was a child. Here is what life has been like in April and May 2025.

Losing my Grandpa 🙁

On April 4, 2025, we lost my grandpa Dan after a brief battle with cancer. He was almost 89 years old, and we were there with him, at his home, in his final moments. I felt so grateful to have been there with him at the end. He was my favorite little cowboy, and I have many happy memories of him, most of which are from my college years in Ellensburg, WA. He was the patriarch of our family and is so missed. I’m so glad he is no longer in pain. Here is my tribute to him from my social profiles:

We lost my favorite cowboy yesterday. I feel so grateful to have been there with him at the very end.

I’ll miss his smile. I’ll miss his stories. I’ll miss his cowboy hat. I’ll miss our visits. I’ll miss our meals together at the cottage. I’ll miss his greeting cards. I’ll miss our phone calls. I’ll miss his laugh and his hugs.

I’ll miss him.

He’s taking another piece of my heart with him, and the hole will never be filled.

I’ll love you forever Grandpa

Losing my Dad 🙁

Less than two weeks after losing my grandpa Dan, we unexpectedly and tragically lost my daddy. It still feels unbelievable that I have to say that he is gone. I still cry a little almost every day. Whenever something reminds me of him or when I realize that I can’t send him that picture of the iris in my yard, which is from his old yard at our Covington house. I feel his loss every second of every day and I miss him so much it feels overwhelming at times. Memories aren’t good enough, but they’re all I have now. I would choose him to be my dad again and again in every lifetime if we are lucky enough to have more.

Here is my tribute from my social profiles:

I can’t believe I am saying this…

A week ago yesterday, we lost my daddy. During childhood, he was my everything, and as an adult, one of my best friends. He dressed up as Smokey the Bear and gave presentations to our elementary school, chaperoned field trips, and took us to Disneyland for the first time. He coached me in soccer, came to the plays I worked on in high school and college, took us on numerous camping trips, and tried his hardest to get me and my brother interested in fishing and hunting. He loved fishing most of all, and I will miss getting pictures of his catch of the day 💔

He is the best father a kid could ask for. I am scared to move forward without him, and I don’t think I will ever be 100% okay again. The void he left feels overwhelming, and I just feel so devastated and heartbroken. 💔

I will never stop missing you but I will keep talking to you when I’m out in the garden and on my morning walks.

I’ll love you forever daddy.

Joint Memorial

My family and I decided to have a joint memorial for my grandpa and my dad. It was on May 4, 2025 at this beautiful property called the South Seattle Saddle Club where my dad and his siblings spent a lot of their childhood and then we also spent a lot of time there as kids. It was a beautiful day and so many people showed up to pay their respects. It was a hard day but I was so overwhelmed to see how many people loved my dad and grandpa.

My Memorial Eulogy

Just so I have it in digital form:

Today was not supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be here alongside my dad mourning the loss of my sweet grandpa, my last living grandparent. Instead, I am here mourning them both. April 2025 was the longest and worst month of my entire life. If that sounds dramatic…it is but I will remind you that I majored in theatre in college.

When I was young, my grandpa Dan seemed larger than life. He was quiet but very warm and loving. It wasn’t until my grandma Carole died that I saw my grandpa come out of his shell more. I started listening to his stories and interacting with him more than just the “hellos” and “goodbyes.” I got to spend time with him when he used to play horseshoes with my dad and Uncle Tony. When I decided to attend college at Central Washington University, I was so excitedto spend extra 1-on-1 time with him getting to know him.

He was my home away from home. I took trips to Easton to have dinner or just watch TV and catch up. I invited him to come watch the plays I was working on and my favorite part was being able to hear his laugh in the audience from all the way backstage. He would always come dressed in his best with his cute western shirts and a cowboy hat. I was so proud to have him there to experience the work I was doing.

I even introduced him to my friends and roommates. Him and my friend Bri hit it off best because of their mutual love of horses. My favorite story from that time is when Bri and I went over to go horseback riding with him. My grandpa is probably the only person who could get me on a horse and he always put me on the oldest and calmest one, I think her name was Dolly. He put Bri on a young horse he was still training because she had much more riding experience. Most of the ride that day was uneventful and then when Bri was trying to get the horse to trot a bit, he took off running and bucked her off into some bushes at the side of the trail. She gets up out of the bushes, twigs and leaves in her hair, and I shit you not…asks if the horse is okay. I thought grandpa was going to fall off his horse from laughing so hard and I almost peed myself from laughing. After we graduated, she gifted him a painting of horses she had done and he still had it hanging in his house until a week before he died. I cherish those 4 years and every visit in the years after. I will miss having an excuse to visit him in Ellensburg but I am grateful to have had him in my life for so long.

The day before my dad died, we were out to dinner and I asked him how he was feeling about losing his dad. He told me he was sad that grandpa was gone but glad he got to die on his own terms comfortable at home. He also said, “When it’s my time to go, I also want it to be on my own terms.” The next afternoon was beautiful and he went to go fishing at his favorite spot and died while getting his boat into the water. If that wasn’t on his terms then I don’t know what is. I don’t mean to mention this to make you all sad and believe me, I would give anything to have him back but in a weird way, I find comfort knowing he was out doing something he absolutely loved.

A lot of you have known my dad since he was a kid and I can’t wait to hear more storeis of him from back then. I’ve only had the pleasure of knowing and loving him the past 38 years but they were the best years. So, let me tell you a few of my favorite things about him:

He lovingly called me his little babushka until around the age of 13. For those that don’t know, a babushka is a grandmother in Poland and Russia. Little did he know I would be into all the “grandma” hobbies like gardening, sewing, and baking before the age of 40!
He taught me how to flip a pancake and was a professional Mickey Mouse pancake maker.
He would read to us every night before bed and read us our first chapter book, Charlotte’s Web. I still have that copy on my bookshelf at home, a bookshelf he made.
He dressed up as Smokey the Bear and did presentations with his friend Tommy from the Forest Service at our elementary school. And I was devastated when the other kids figured out it was my dad in the bear suit.
He taught us how to fish but would always take the fish off the hook because we were too afraid to touch it. He tried so hard to get my brother and me into fishing with little success. But, I made up for it when I brought home a guy who actually liked to go fishing!
He let us stay up late with him to watch Unsolved Mysteries and would be there in the middle of the night when I inevitably woke up with nightmares.
I have gotten a musical education in classic country from riding with him in his truck because the only thing he listened to in the last year was the Willie’s Roadhouse station on Sirius XM. But, he’s also the reason I love Jimmy Buffett, Bruce Springsteen, Shania Twain, Garth Brooks, Neil Youn, and James Taylor.
He’s the reason I love the outdoors. He used to take us campling every Summer and up to the mountains every September to go huckleberry picking.
His catch phrases are legendary. If you have spent any time with him you likely heard one of many, but here are some good ones:
- “The odds are good but the goods are odd”
- “When Tag was a pup…” Still unsure if Tag was a real dog or one he made up
- or “Like a cow pissing on a flat rock” for when it was really raining hard
- Or, my favorite, ” If you’re looking for sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis…” Never directed at me but always made me smile

I could go on…probably for days. He was so devoted to raising my brother and me.

He taught me how to tie my shoes, ride a bike, how to put a bobber on a fishing line, how to score a horseshoe game, how to garden, how to make a huckleberry pic, how to make bread & butter pickles. He coached soccer, chaperoned field trips, helped with school projects, helped build sets for the Kentlake Theatre productions. And when I worked late on those plays, he would bring me a home cooked meal. He nurtured and supported every crazy dream and desire that I had for my life even if they changed a million times. He wasn’t just the best dad, he was my best friend.

The pain of losing my dad and grandpa has been unbearable and the void they left feels vast and overwhelming. I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% okay again. How can I be when they’re not here? Are any of us whole again when we lose people we love so much? I think the pain just becomes managable and you learn to live with the void in your life no matter how suffocating it might feel at times.

I’ll miss my grandpa’s laugh, his stories, hearing him say “love you too babe” at the end of a phone call, and his many cowboy hats.

I’ll miss my dad’s daily text messages including the ones with pictures of fish and dead animals that he and Lance have caught or killed. I’ll miss helping him with his stupid computer, and his hugs and I love yous.

I am grateful to have had them in my life and to be able to honor them here today.

20 Year High School Reunion

In the middle of May, we attended my 20 year high school reunion. My friend and her partner came up from Portland to attend and it was actually a really great time! So nice to see people after so long!